The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! maybe this guy could be the one! maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it for you?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! maybe this guy could be the one! maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it for you?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
Gwen by John Riley
I was drinking in Boobs when a girl caught my EYE
She had a ring through her nose and a tattoo on her thigh
I asked her her name and she said “I’m called Gwen”
And she smelt like a horse and she danced like a wren
I asked if she liked country western or rock
And she screamed “I like matelots and plenty of cock”
She said come on Jack are you game for a laugh
So we jumped in a fast black and went back to her gaff.
Now the house was in Swilly and on the front door
Was a crest from each ship that had been there before.
I said to her “Gwen that‘s impressive to see”
As it looked like she’d been on twelve more ships than me
It smelt like the mess after a good run ashore
There were lanyards and cap tallies all over the floor.
She walked to the window and sat on the ledge
I put my hand down her knicks and felt a meat and two veg
I tried to get out but she got hold of my leg
It was then I knew Gwen was an ex killick reg
I ran out of the door and into the street
With my kegs round my ankles and nout on me feet
Thank god I’d escaped and gave praise to the lord
Got big eats and a taxi and went back onboard
So if you’re in Plymouth and bump into my Gwen
Just remember she’s really a reggy called Ben.
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A Submariner flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the Casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the Submariner was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the Submariner,returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The submariner thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The Submariner got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The Submariner got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The submariner got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The Submariner said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the Submariner gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The Submariner said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the Submariner gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.
A quality navy joke. Civvys stay away:
A matelot dancing around in Jesters and (unbelievably) he notices a nice looking bird in the corner. He asks her if she'd like a drink to which she replies
"To be honest do you just fancy taking me home?"
So he takes her home and gets invited in, she asks
"Do you mind me asking, but are you a sailor?"
...
A matelot dancing around in Jesters and (unbelievably) he notices a nice looking bird in the corner. He asks her if she'd like a drink to which she replies
"To be honest do you just fancy taking me home?"
So he takes her home and gets invited in, she asks
"Do you mind me asking, but are you a sailor?"
...
At this point he knows he has blown it but tells her that he is indeed a sailor
"Oh that's great, my grandad was a sailor - you're the first one I've ever met! Do you smoke?"
Well Jack's over the moon and he answers yes whereby she goes out into the kitchen and brings out 100 tabs !
"Oh that's great, my grandad was a sailor - you're the first one I've ever met! Do you smoke?"
Well Jack's over the moon and he answers yes whereby she goes out into the kitchen and brings out 100 tabs !
"You can have these if you like, I don't smoke and they've been in the cupboard for ages! Do you drink?"
Well Jack asks for a lager but she comes back with a bottle of pussers rum. At this point he looks up to the heaven and thanks the God of Jack for this goldmine!
"Do you mind if I slip into something more comfertable" she asks to Jack's delight
When she returns she is wearing a see through nightie with every ship, past and present on the hem. Jack can't believe his luck now, then she purrs at him
"Do you want to come through to the bedroom and play a little game?"
Jack replies
"Fuck me - you got UCKERS as well!?"
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I had a flyer through the door today stating: "If you are an ALCOHOLIC ring this number". When I rang it was the Off Licence.
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Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards.. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by d...imnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve..=20 "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let
off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince.. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and
a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny
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Examination to determine whether admission to the after-life will be granted.
One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.
...
"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.” The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out onto the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.
The Clerk is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."
"I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest....."
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Today's french joke...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
... The Englishman said
,
'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.
"
"Impossible. You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"
The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop
....................................................................................
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
... The Englishman said
'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.
"Impossible. You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"
The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
....................................................................................
Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.
Boudreaux said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”
“What's dat?” asks Thibodeaux.
“Send da lawn away to be mowed."
..............................................................................
There was once a sub crewed by Scotsmen,
The redoubtable men of the North.
She patrolled the Atlantic's grey waters
From her base in the Firth of the Forth
Her Skipper, a dour Aberdonian,
Was known for his tightness with loot,
And much tighter yet with torpedoes,
With a noted reluctance to shoot!
One morning they sighted a tanker
"Let's sink it!" the crew said with glee.
'D'ye know ken the price o' torpedoes?
Forget it, yon tanker's too wee!".
Now while they discussed the expenses,
A destroyer appeared on the scene,
A German, with five inch artillery,
And she'd spotted the Jock submarine!
They took the boat down in a hurry
While the German came on at a pace.
"Our Skipper'll save us!", the crew said
But the Captain rernained stoney faced!
They sat on the bottom for hours,
Dead quiet, no man made a sound,
While the German let loose her depth charges
And continued to circle around!
Then a voice echoed out in the silence,
In anguish it cried simply this,
"Just fire a bloody torpedo!
Ah'll foot the bill if ye miss!"
Prince Charles is visiting an Aberdeen hospital. He enters a ward full of patients
with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm..."
Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the
next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."
Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks
"Is this a psychiatric ward?"
"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."
.........................................................................................................
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top O the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry you and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
.............................................................................
Deeps and the Chief Gunnery Instructor
It's the early 60s when one of Her Majesty's sleek black messengers of death enters HM Dockyard, Pompey for dry docking. 'Deeps' the Tanky, an able assistant to the Coxswain and oppo of the Leading Chef is instructed to run an errand to Victory Barracks (as it was called back then) by the Jimmy.
Resplendent in his battery acid honed No.8 trousers, salt encrusted steaming boots, off-grey submarine roll neck sweater and nicely yellowed cap with bow strategically placed over his left eye, our hero enters the Barracks. He strolls across the parade ground contemplating lighting up a DF when the strangulated cry of "that ugly creature there" rents the peace.
A Chief Gunnery Instructor, testicles tightly bound with black masking tape to obtain that required pitch, stands quivering on his mirror-like boots with inch thick soles and 200 polished hobnails. Deeps thinks, 'not me, I'm only a visitor' and ambles on.
The Chief of the Parade, who, as we all know, never runs anywhere, walks at great speed, pace stick clenched firmly under his arm. When he gets in front of our hero he places the tip of his pace stick on Deeps' chest to prevent any escape and eyes him up and down.
Deeps, having suffered the wrath of various submarine Chief Stokers, is totally unfazed by this apparition and awaits the next move.
The Chief of the parade, said in a loud bull horn voice: "There is a bit of Poo on the end of my stick."
Deeps replied: "It's not at my end, Chief!"
..............................................................................................................................
Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.
Boudreaux said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”
“What's dat?” asks Thibodeaux.
“Send da lawn away to be mowed."
Boudreaux said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”
“What's dat?” asks Thibodeaux.
“Send da lawn away to be mowed."
..............................................................................
There was once a sub crewed by Scotsmen,
The redoubtable men of the North.
She patrolled the Atlantic's grey waters
From her base in the Firth of the Forth
The redoubtable men of the North.
She patrolled the Atlantic's grey waters
From her base in the Firth of the Forth
Her Skipper, a dour Aberdonian,
Was known for his tightness with loot,
And much tighter yet with torpedoes,
With a noted reluctance to shoot!
Was known for his tightness with loot,
And much tighter yet with torpedoes,
With a noted reluctance to shoot!
One morning they sighted a tanker
"Let's sink it!" the crew said with glee.
'D'ye know ken the price o' torpedoes?
Forget it, yon tanker's too wee!".
"Let's sink it!" the crew said with glee.
'D'ye know ken the price o' torpedoes?
Forget it, yon tanker's too wee!".
Now while they discussed the expenses,
A destroyer appeared on the scene,
A German, with five inch artillery,
And she'd spotted the Jock submarine!
A destroyer appeared on the scene,
A German, with five inch artillery,
And she'd spotted the Jock submarine!
They took the boat down in a hurry
While the German came on at a pace.
"Our Skipper'll save us!", the crew said
But the Captain rernained stoney faced!
While the German came on at a pace.
"Our Skipper'll save us!", the crew said
But the Captain rernained stoney faced!
They sat on the bottom for hours,
Dead quiet, no man made a sound,
While the German let loose her depth charges
And continued to circle around!
Dead quiet, no man made a sound,
While the German let loose her depth charges
And continued to circle around!
Then a voice echoed out in the silence,
In anguish it cried simply this,
"Just fire a bloody torpedo!
Ah'll foot the bill if ye miss!"
In anguish it cried simply this,
"Just fire a bloody torpedo!
Ah'll foot the bill if ye miss!"
Prince Charles is visiting an Aberdeen hospital. He enters a ward full of patients
with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm..."
Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the
next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."
Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks
"Is this a psychiatric ward?"
"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."
with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm..."
Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to the
next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."
Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks
"Is this a psychiatric ward?"
"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."
.........................................................................................................
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top O the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry you and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
The Father said, 'Top O the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry you and yer hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
.............................................................................
Deeps and the Chief Gunnery Instructor
It's the early 60s when one of Her Majesty's sleek black messengers of death enters HM Dockyard, Pompey for dry docking. 'Deeps' the Tanky, an able assistant to the Coxswain and oppo of the Leading Chef is instructed to run an errand to Victory Barracks (as it was called back then) by the Jimmy.
Resplendent in his battery acid honed No.8 trousers, salt encrusted steaming boots, off-grey submarine roll neck sweater and nicely yellowed cap with bow strategically placed over his left eye, our hero enters the Barracks. He strolls across the parade ground contemplating lighting up a DF when the strangulated cry of "that ugly creature there" rents the peace.
A Chief Gunnery Instructor, testicles tightly bound with black masking tape to obtain that required pitch, stands quivering on his mirror-like boots with inch thick soles and 200 polished hobnails. Deeps thinks, 'not me, I'm only a visitor' and ambles on.
The Chief of the Parade, who, as we all know, never runs anywhere, walks at great speed, pace stick clenched firmly under his arm. When he gets in front of our hero he places the tip of his pace stick on Deeps' chest to prevent any escape and eyes him up and down.
Deeps, having suffered the wrath of various submarine Chief Stokers, is totally unfazed by this apparition and awaits the next move.
The Chief of the parade, said in a loud bull horn voice: "There is a bit of Poo on the end of my stick."
Deeps replied: "It's not at my end, Chief!"
..............................................................................................................................
In a train carriage there was a Lower Level Stoker, an Army Major, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Army Major had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
1) The blonde thought - "That Soldier son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."
2) The fat lady thought - "This dirty old Army Major laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him."
3) The Army Major thought - "That Stoker put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."
4) The Stoker thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that Army Major again.
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Click to Enlarge
Courtesy of >> Dits/Humour
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A bloke walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.
Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis. This guy pays his £50.
Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.
"Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."
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Click to Enlarge
Courtesy of >> Dits/Humour
................................................................................................................
A bloke walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.
Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis. This guy pays his £50.
Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.
"Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."
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